Tags
behavior, behaviour, Children, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Parenting, Raising Your Spirited Child, spirited, Toddler
The reaction that I get when I tell someone that my son M is spirited is usually a baffled “really?”. This reaction makes me ecstatic.
You see, people often associate spirited children with misbehaviour, off the wall way crazy, difficult children to be around. What they see in my son is an energetic, happy boy who generally plays well with others.
However, there is no question he is spirited.
We were recommended “Raising Your Spirited Child” by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka when M was seven months old. Even then it was evident that our son was spirited. He’s now almost three and he has all the main characteristic traits of a spirited child – the intensity, the perceptiveness, the persistence and the sensitivity. He also scores high on most of the bonus traits including adaptability, regularity, energy and mood; the only one that he seems to have missed out on is first reaction.
Being spirited isn’t a bad thing, many of the characteristics that make children spirited are viewed as positive traits in adults. However, it can make growing up difficult, especially in our busy, loud society. We’ve had to work with our son to develop ways to work with his spirit rather than to suppress it. There are many things we do to ensure a (mostly) peaceful household but three main things we do on a consistent basis are:
- We protect his sleep. If M is tired, meltdowns are inevitable. In addition, if M is overtired by bedtime, he has a more difficult time falling to sleep and is prone to night terrors. So we ensure that he gets a chance for a nap in the afternoon and goes to bed around the same time each night. This was easier when he’d sleep on the go in his carrier, stroller or car seat but now it sometimes means sacrificing a midday hike or making sure M has quiet time after a day at the ski slopes. It also means being flexible and changing plans if he’s more tired than anticipated.
- We make sure that he eats regularly and stays hydrated. In addition to regular meals and snacks, we never leave the house without a snack and water – even if we’re just going to the store. While he’s generally a good eater and not picky, he’s two and has picky days – so we tempt him with his favourites such as peanut butter sandwiches or pasta with tuna. I would rather he ate the same thing 10 meals running and be happy than make mealtimes battle zones.
- We watch his stimulation levels carefully. Parties, malls, trade shows and other busy places are definite stimulation rich environments – the noise, smells and activity can quickly overload his system. We know that most of the time an hour or so is all he can handle. He’s very social but is an introvert and needs his “quiet time” to recharge.
We also get him outside everyday but that is a subject worthy of it’s own post.
Raising a spirited child is not easy and I know we have many challenges and changes ahead but I have to say that I love his spirit and energy that fills every corner of our home. I’m ecstatic that our work to date is paying off and that people enjoy having M around.
If you have a spirited child, I highly recommend reading Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.
jfmommy said:
Your son sounds a lot like mine. These are good tips to remember.
The Big Picture Calgary said:
We find that being well rested, not hungry or thirty and not overwhelming him provides M a great foundation for all the fun (and challenges) of a day. As spirited parents, we have to try to do the same for ourselves 😀
ubcfamilies77 said:
Great post! We definitely find we need to do all 3 things you mentioned with our 5 year old spirited son – protect his sleep, make sure he’s fed well, and avoid too much stimulation. The good news is we’ve found the past 2 years he’s been MUCH better able to handle disruptions to these 3 things, and still be OK. These kids just get easier and sweeter the older they get 🙂
The Big Picture Calgary said:
Thanks… gives me hope – lol
karenshireman said:
I agree ~ great post! We do those 3 things also. We learned early on that our little girl would get over stimulated quite easy, so that meant not going out in the evenings especially to stores with bright lights. We didn’t find Mary’s book until our daughter was around 3. I had never met a little one like her and had no idea there was so many others like her. Having a spirited child in my forties had been quite challenging at times. My daughter had severe stranger anxiety and would just scream at strangers from about 5 months and stopped around 3 1/2. She is now quite friendly to everyone. We had to leave many parties due to her anxiety and over stimulation. I am thankful she was a great sleeper although she woke up every day and from every nap screaming for over 2 years. When our delivery nurse handed our baby to us and told us we would have our hands full with her I had no idea what she meant. lol ~ I can’t believe she saw something in her so soon. I would love to read a post about your son and the outdoors. My daughter will be 4 next month and is starting to not always fall asleep at naptime, so I have been thinking how important it is to get her outside everyday. Sorry for rambling…………….
The Big Picture Calgary said:
Thanks… I’ve posted my follow up blog about getting outside 😀 http://wp.me/p1Y9eG-58
woodhull.tv said:
I do not leave many responses, but I looked at a few of the responses on My spirited child « The Big Picture.
I do have a couple of questions for you if it’s okay. Is it simply me or does it give the impression like some of the remarks look as if they are left by brain dead folks? 😛 And, if you are posting at additional social sites, I would like to keep up with anything fresh you have to post. Would you post a list of every one of all your public sites like your linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter feed?
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